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Writing Samples
Band 6

childhood besity is becoming a problem throughout the developed world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweet sugary snakes should not be allowed in schools and colleges. what extent do you agree or dis agree with this?

#childhood #besity #world #people #adverts #food #snakes #schools #colleges #dis
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Nowadays, obesity in children is increasing in all developed countries. Some members argue that advertisements of quick food and snacks should be banned in schools and institutions,
however
Add a comma
,however
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 others say that they should be allowed.
This
 essay will partially agree with abolishing advertisements in learning areas and the reasons will be discussed in the body. First of all, advertising sweetened snacks in institutions
helps
Change the verb form
help
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 to promote the business because their group target is the school children
hence
 making it the suitable place for promotion.
For example
, if an ice cream company wants to promote a new type of ice cream, it will make sure it starts its promotions in schools since children are the ones who enjoy it more than adults. To illustrate more, Joy company in Uganda increased its sales of banana sweets by advertising them in Universities.
On the other hand
, despite the above view, l believe that advertising for quick meals should not be accepted in learning places because it will help to reduce the consumption rate.
That is
 to s If all learning places for students are not accepted to have fast foods and no adverts about them during the studying period,
this
 will bring a positive result in kids as they will lose weight.
For instance
, in the United Kingdom, some of the universities stopped learners from eating snacks the reason being unhealthy and
this
 caused a reduction in consumption. Another proof is that when the United State abolished food adverts in students' residences, some learners lost interest in them which was an achievement for the health sector. In conclusion, even though advertisements for sugar eats in institutions enable businesses to grow, l partially agree that reducing consumption will be beneficial to kids
hence
 the government should think of other ways of solving the problem.
Submitted by jmeeme5 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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