IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The government must ensure that citizens have a healthy diet, while ithers think this is an individuals' duty. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#government #citizens #diet #ithers #individuals #duty
Being healthy is everyone’s right which should be accommodated by the
government
 as the authority of the area. To achieve the condition of health, there are some paths that
people
 could take and a healthy
diet
 is one of them.
Although
it’s
 unarguable that a healthy
diet
 will give a positive impact on all human beings,
this
 matter brings different opinions from society. Some
people
 believe that
it’s
 the
government
’s duty to make sure the realization of it
while
 others say that
it’s
 a personal responsibility. I strongly agree that
this
 treatment is not the
government
’s business and I’ll explain the reason for it in my essay. First of all, we must acknowledge the fact that the best way to change somebody’s behaviour is through their own willingness. A Healthy
diet
 is not the one stop at the time treatment which would need
Change the article
the
show examples
discipline to be implemented. Eventually, discipline will come if the person is having a strong will to do it.
For instance
, athletes will be more focused on their training if they have a goal that triggers their willingness. Without willingness that triggers the sense of purpose,
then
 focus will not come.
Thus
,
Add an article
the
show examples
personal need is the key factor to drive a healthy
diet
. In another case, there are
people
 who do not really know about the importance and steps to do a healthy
diet
. In
this
 case,the
government
 has a responsibility to educate them. The reason for it is that the
government
 has the moral obligation to protect and endure its
people
. Even like that, the final decision to conduct a healthy
diet
 is still in
people
’s hands, not in the
government
. As the benchmark, we can see the precedent of a condom campaign
that is
 being conducted in several developing countries to slow down the birth rate. No matter how much effort that authority gave, the final decision to use a condom or not is in every person’s hands.
Thus
, the ruler does not have any right to force
people
 to do something, so do it with a healthy
diet
. To wrap things up, the
government
 has the supporting role to ensure the proper knowledge of healthy diets to its
people
.
However
, the key decision to do
that is
 in everyone’s hands, not the ruler's.
Thus
,
It’s
 an individual duty to conduct a healthy
diet
 for their own sake.
Submitted by regina.christella7 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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