Even though doctors advise old people to get more exercise, many old people do not get enough. What are the reasons for this? What are some possible solutions for this?
There
is a common fact that Correct pronoun usage
It
exercise
can provide
a vital role in maintaining Verb problem
play
people
's health, including the elderly generation. Such
activity is also
highly advised by medical health professionals. Yet, plenty of old people
still face several constraints to have good exercise
. The following paragraphs will explain the root causes behind this
phenomenon.
First,
many empirical findings mention that sport activities are not a sort of public good which indicates that accessing such
activities require a amount of money. As a consequence
, such
things are exclusive to the ones who can afford it. Yet, numerous of evidence, particularly in less-developed countries, revealed that people
in the age of beyond productive years have no sufficient budget for fitness things. Also
, in worse conditions, they have no savings at all. Hence
, the excluded groups will preferably enjoy free-cost exercise
which most of them are inappropriate.
Second,
plenty of old
generations have Fix the agreement mistake
older
some
limited capacities Correct quantifier usage
apply
in accessing
information regarding the urgency of having adequate Change preposition
to access
exercises
. It leads to the lack of awareness of Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
such
people
to allocate their time to fitness agenda. Therefore
, most of them prefer to spend their time on other things instead
of enjoying exercise
.
According to
the aforementioned causes, the role of government does
critical to provide more inclusive access to exercises for all groups of human beings, including the elderlyVerb problem
is
one
. The relatives of old Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
can also
take some part in supporting their parents to do sporty activities.
To summarize, exercises are completely essential to maintain human health, especially the old individuals. Recognizing this
urgency, addressing the aforementioned problems through the government and society participation does significant to serve a more sufficient exercise
for the older ones.Submitted by wawildan5 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more developed to provide a clearer sense of the overall essay. The supporting points are relevant but need further elaboration and clarity.
task achievement
The essay partially responds to the task by addressing the reasons for the lack of exercise among old people and suggesting possible solutions. However, the response lacks depth and detail, and some points are not fully developed. The examples provided could be more specific and well-explained to support the ideas more effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!