IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money, others argue that it is better to try and improve such situation. Discus both view d gives your opinion.

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In
this
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 contemporary era of advancement, individuals are dedicated to gaining an occupation without considering bread and butter.
Subsequently
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,
this
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 trend ends up in low-salaried workers or less appealing jobs. A group of people argue that it is better to gel with the scenario and move on
whereas
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 other suggests fighting against it to enhance the situation.I advocate that putting effort
to change
Change preposition
into changing
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 the worse can mitigate the problem to some extent which will be discussed in
this
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 essay. On one hand, certain work environmental hardships are temporary, if
this
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 is the case, the ideal way to face them is to take it in and adjust.
However
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, some cases are
in contrast
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 to the long term. To explain,
this
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 might be because of poor management or wrong career selection.
Hence
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, attempting to alter the inconvenience will make a mere difference. To illustrate, a starter will have a low salary and high restrictions.
Therefore
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, trying to expand the boundaries and asking for enhanced wages imposes no changes.
Consequently
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, foreseeing the circumstances and adapting to them is beneficial.
On the other hand
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, mental fulfilment is the prime target of choosing one's profession. To elaborate, a prolonged shortage of finance and discomfort in a job ambience will definitely contribute to an individual's mental health issues.
For instance
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, complementing
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
oneself
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 with a present is inevitable to maintain a sound self-appreciation that will promote self-care.
As a result
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, working to improve the financial
as well as
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 workplace conditions is necessary. After analysing both sides,to respond against complications is human nature that provides an opportunity to express their feelings, in
tuns
Correct your spelling
turn
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 the after-effects have to be handled by themselves. By doing
this
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, they will develop the ability to manage a situation.
To conclude
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, challenging a situation may not come up with positive outcomes, that help an individual to improve the cause.In spite of the apparent obstructions, speaking up against them will ease the issue indeed.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear overview of your stance, but it could benefit from a more concise structure and clarity in articulating both views before stating your opinion.
task achievement
Some points made in your paragraphs could be more thoroughly developed, particularly in terms of providing more specific examples and explanations. This will help clarify your arguments and enhance your overall point.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay’s flow is logical, transitioning between ideas could be improved by using linking words or phrases more effectively, which will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion restates your opinion but could summarize the key points more clearly to reinforce your argument and leave a stronger impression on the reader.
task achievement
You have clearly presented your opinion on the issue, which helps to clarify your position throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and engages with both viewpoints, which shows a balanced perspective.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the effects of a low salary on mental health, effectively illustrates your argument and adds depth to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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