IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motor-bike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has been said that the minimum legal
age
Use synonyms
 for driving and riding should be increased so as to improve
road
Use synonyms
 safety. Personally, I firmly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea for two main reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in order to improve
road
Use synonyms
 safety, we should emphasize people’s driving and riding skills rather than their
age
Use synonyms
. The main reason why there are thousands of traffic accidents is that because the driving tests are too simple, those who do not have standard techniques still qualify for driving licenses.
For instance
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 some teenagers do not have driving licenses, they drive well on the
road
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,some adults are not good at driving which leads to numerous driving accidents.
Consequently
Linking Words
,there is no doubt that young
age
Use synonyms
 is not always the reason why
roads
Use synonyms
 are unsafe and driving skills are the most essential part of
road
Use synonyms
 security. The second reason is that a proper design of
roads
Use synonyms
 is more essential than people’s driving
age
Use synonyms
. When the
roads
Use synonyms
 are designed in a strange way,
although
Linking Words
 people follow them properly, they still will cause car accidents. Take, Taiwan,
for example
Linking Words
. Taiwan is regarded as a “pedestrian hell” by
BBC
Correct article usage
the BBC
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that pedestrians have to walk closely with vehicles as the government did not design
roads
Use synonyms
 which are suitable for every
road
Use synonyms
 user. In conclusion, designing good
roads
Use synonyms
 for users is far more important than increasing the minimum
age
Use synonyms
 for driving. To summarize, as far as I am concerned, I disagree with the idea of
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 the legal
age
Use synonyms
 for driving and riding is not useful to improve
road
Use synonyms
 security for two major reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
,training the public’s driving skills before they get their licenses is more effective
to improve
Change preposition
in improving
show examples
road
Use synonyms
 security.
Secondly
Linking Words
, planning out
roads
Use synonyms
 which are suitable for every
road
Use synonyms
 user is
also
Linking Words
 a key point to help the improvement of
road
Use synonyms
 safety.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to present a more balanced argument by acknowledging the opposing view, even if you ultimately disagree with it. This can enhance the depth of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between ideas. This will improve the flow of your writing.
task achievement
Expand your examples with more specific details or statistics to illustrate your points more effectively and convincingly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with clear main points that are easy to follow.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your arguments, demonstrating good understanding of the topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: