IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think foreign visitors should be charged more than local person when they visit the cultural and historical attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that foreign
visitors
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 should
charge
Wrong verb form
be charged
show examples
 more than local
people
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 when they visit the cultural and historical places in our
country
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.
Although
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 there are valid arguments to the contrary, in
this
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 paper I will argue that it has actually made the
country
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 a much better place. I definitely agree with
this
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 statement. In the following essay, I briefly introduce some reliable reasons for
this
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 situation. On the one hand, it cannot be denied that today more and more tourists tend to visit our
country
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. Because they want to learn our history and enjoy watching historical and modern buildings.
In addition
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,
visitors
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 come to our
country
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 even in winter.
Then
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 they stay in the national hotels.
For
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this
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 reason, the government should take more money from them rather than the local
people
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.
Then
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 it causes them to exchange money with foreigners.
Moreover
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, the government can separate financial aid for charity and disabled
people
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.
Furthermore
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, financial aid can reduce poor families in our
country
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.
On the other hand
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, there are serious negative consequences of
this
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 development.
For instance
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, if foreign
visitors
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 are charged more than local
people
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 it can cause some problems.
However
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, I believe that we can repair our ancient buildings with extra money from
visitors
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.
To conclude
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, I once reiterate my position that some
people
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 believe that foreign
visitors
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 should be paid more than local
people
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 when they are in our
country
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.
While
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 they are walking around historic places. Because it can make our
country
Use synonyms
 a much better place to live.
Also
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, I agree with
this
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 statement.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear, distinct point with relevant examples and explanations to support your arguments. This will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Your main ideas should be more clearly articulated and fully developed. Providing specific examples to substantiate each point will strengthen your task achievement.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are noticeable, make sure that they effectively encapsulate the main ideas discussed in your essay. This will improve the logical structure as well as the coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well and provides a sense of completeness.
task achievement
You have managed to present a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, demonstrating awareness of different perspectives.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural exchange
  • economic contribution
  • tourism industry
  • equity
  • fairness
  • local economy
  • revenue allocation
  • economic discrimination
  • preservation
  • maintenance
  • community development
  • pricing strategy
  • perceived fairness
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