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Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some say the best way to deal with public health issues is to invest in developing new medicines. Others say that a better way is to promote a healthy lifestyle. 
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#say #health #medicines #lifestyle
Some would argue that investing in the development of new medicines is the best way to tackle
health
 problems,
while
 others think that promoting a healthy lifestyle is a better option.
While
 investment in developing new drugs can help patients get cured easily, I believe that making people aware of the active lifestyle in the first place would introduce fewer
diseases
. On the one hand, money invested in the
health
 care drugs department would provide patients suffering from diabetes, obesity, and lung cancer with better medication and help them to get well soon.
This
 is to say that, if a person affected by any disease would go to a doctor and purchase the prescribed medicine, his body would be able to fight with the disease more easily
due to
 the consumption of specific tablets or syrups.
For example
, a worldwide example was set during the time of the pandemic when vaccination was the only viable solution. Despite all
this
, I think that healthy living is undoubtedly an excellent idea to promote
health
.
On the other hand
, promoting
health
, in the first place, would attract fewer
diseases
, as the immune system of the body gets stronger from day-to-day physical activities.
This
 is because, when someone consumes a nutritious diet full of proteins and carbohydrates,
along with
 the healthy habits of getting up early in the morning and going for a walk, it would not make a person sick easily.
For instance
,
according to
 the recent graphics by the
health
 department of Germany, people with sedentary lifestyles get exposed to
diseases
 ten times more than the ones with healthy lives.
Thus
, a greater number of people should be made aware of active living, as it is one of the best methods.  In conclusion,
although
 investing in the development of new medicines is a good idea to tackle public
diseases
 to get treated for all types of
health
 issues, I believe that adopting a healthy routine is a far better concept to get a healthy body away from
diseases
.
Submitted by sakshisyal2000 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, work on using more linking words and phrases effectively to ensure that each idea flows naturally into the next.
coherence cohesion
Enhancing the conclusion with a more comprehensive summary of the main points could strengthen the essay.
task achievement
Introduce more varied examples or case studies to enrich your arguments.
task achievement
Provide a slightly deeper analysis of the opposing view to strengthen the task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay.
task achievement
You have a strong and complete response to the task.
task achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples enhances your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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