Some people think that the increasing number of cars is the biggest problem facing cities. Other people believe that there are even more bigger problems Discuss both views and give your opinion

A section of

people

argue that cigars should be banned and I totally agree with

this

statement. Forbidding smoking contributes greatly to public health.

According to

scientific studies, non-smokers who are exposed to cigar smoke run high risks of gaining breath-related diseases or even lung cancer. With the implementation of

this

policy, they would no longer live under the threat of related illnesses and it could save the healthcare system huge sums of money. In terms of smokers, smoking can cause them to have a variety of chronic diseases.

Therefore

, quitting smoking cigarettes improves their health status and

subsequently

offers them more life well-being. What is more, alternative ways of smoking cigars provide

people

with more than just pleasure without causing side effects brought by cigars

Change the punctuation

show examples

For instance

, jogging could stimulate a pleasant feeling in the brain which is identical to the joy brought by cigarettes. What is more, slow running prompts runners to breathe deeply, which could significantly strengthen their hearts and speed up their blood circlings.

Besides

, as the relaxation it offers is not as intensive as that brought by smoking,

people

would not get addicted to it and

consequently

end up failing to balance the demand with real needs. Another good example is taking chocolate. Chocolate contains medicals that make

people

feel peaceful and delighted, it can

also

slow down the speed of ageing by cleaning harmful materials in human vessels. What is more, so far

people

have not found it would add any burden to the human body. As discussed above, banning cigarettes has many benefits and should be put into practice.

Submitted by sabrinahuang0105 on Wed Feb 08 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

266 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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