IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Research has shown that spending less time in the office can reduce the use of energy (for example, electricity, gas). Thus some companies close for some days a week. Do this advantage of this development outhweight the disadvantage

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Studies have shown that minimizing time spent in the office can reduce the use of energy,
such
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 as electricity and gas.
Hence
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, why some companies close on certain
days
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 of the week.
Nonetheless
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, I believe that
this
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 practice is more beneficial to the
company
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, for the reasons stated below. A main advantage to opening on certain
days
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 is the greatly reduced cost of energy used per month.
For instance
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, monthly electrical and gas bills will be significantly cheaper.
This
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also
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 saves up
company
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 expenses, which can be allocated to more important uses,
such
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 as research and development.
Moreover
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, office workers will feel more motivated to
work
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 as they will be given personal time,
instead
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 of having to
work
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 a 12-hour job for 5
days
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 straight.
On the other hand
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, closing on certain
days
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 may affect the
company
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's
work
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. As people will not be at the
company
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 during those
days
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, there will be slower progress on the
company
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's projects.
However
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,
this
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 problem can be solved by having proper time management and excellent teamwork.
Furthermore
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, since workers will come in less frequently, the business will receive less income.
Nevertheless
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, as long as the corporation's products and projects are innovative and intriguing, people will naturally want to buy them.
To conclude
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, opening on certain
days
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 of the week has advantages which outweigh the disadvantages as it saves
company
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 expenses and makes workers more motivated to
work
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.

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider providing more detailed and specific examples that illustrate your points effectively. This would make your argument more compelling and easier for the reader to follow.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and development. Using transitional phrases and words can help create smoother connections between your ideas and paragraphs.
introduction conclusion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are more concise and aligned. You began your argument strong, but ensuring clarity in your concluding points will reinforce your argument better.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
The points made in the essay are quite relevant to the prompt and show a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay brings out balanced arguments for both sides before concluding, which makes for a well-rounded discussion.
introduction conclusion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and indicates the writer's stance, providing a good starting point for the discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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