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Writing Samples
Band 6

Today's young generation is facing many problems in school and at home. What are the problems? What can parents do to help their teenage children?

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Nowadays young
people
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 can get a lot of obstacles in their lives. They can have issues in both places where they study and at home. In
this
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 essay, I am going to talk about these issues and how we can support teenagers. To start with, the main sources of problems for offspring are school and the house. In each scenario, they may face different kinds of obstacles. In the study environment,
where
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apply
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they can be victims of harassment and bullying.
For example
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, I had some trouble when studying with my classmates because they made fun of my family name. The situation made me uncomfortable and I could not study properly.
In addition
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,
parents
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 can become a source of pain for teenagers when it comes to setting rules. An example of
that is
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 when adults do not like giving freedom, kids usually feel punished and any good intention coming from the parent's decision will turn into an act against them. My mother and my father did not let me go to parties with my friends to develop my social skills, so I ended up being shy and isolated.
However
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, there are a few actions that may help young adults to overcome those complications in both places. Grown-up
people
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 should be more aware of young
people
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 to assist them when being offended in public places. Especially, because older
people
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 have gone through similar situations and can give advice on how to behave.
On the other hand
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, having assertive communication with
parents
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 may improve the interaction with adolescents at home. Being able to listen and put ourselves in other shoes would help us understand their perspective. Talking with respect and considering each need would allow
parents
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 and children to have a better relationship.
To conclude
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, children can get some difficulties that they may encounter in school or at home.
First,
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the best way is to fix everything by talking with adults.
Second,
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parents
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 need to have more communication with their children to make sure they are safe and happy. I consider punishment is not always the answer. Communication is the key aspect.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The logical structure needs improvement to better connect the main points within the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a partial response to the task. It needs to fully address all parts of the prompt and include more specific examples to support the ideas effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adolescents
  • competitiveness
  • self-esteem
  • cyberbullying
  • generational gap
  • nutrition
  • mental health
  • stress management
  • peer pressure
  • communication skills
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