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Band 7.5

Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their chuldren’s Study. On the contrary , those online games have produced a lot of negative effect on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion

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It is often believed that playing
computer
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games
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 is useless for the study of
children
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while
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 some people are optimistic about their effects on their bodies and minds. I partially support the latter, for the emergence of new types of
games
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 which promote logical thinking and physical strength regardless of the incredible distraction that prevents their study. On the one hand,
computer
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games
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 are advantageous for
children
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 as they encourage the development of physical strength and logical minds.
For example
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, they are able to enjoy sports on a
computer
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 screen with a sensor attached to their wrists and legs, which requires them to have some exercise to defeat online players.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 are more likely to associate one idea with another to solve various missions, enhancing their abilities to memorize and think critically.
Thus
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, problem-solving skills are often higher for those who spend more time playing
computer
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games
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 with more experience in using their brains.
On the other hand
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,
computer
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games
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 have a damaging effect on studying performance of
children
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 as they tend to be addictive to them. Indeed, it is often difficult for them to quit
games
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 as they are expected to make progress by defeating enemies or discovering a hidden way to move to another stage.
Furthermore
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, there are many incentives provided by
games
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 so they can continue through rewards and new items, which make players more excited.
Consequently
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,
this
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 leads to poor results in their study as they are less motivated and spend less time on learning. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that
computer
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games
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 are beneficial to
children
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, who are often required to use their bodies and minds to compete against enemies.
However
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, the addictive nature of
games
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 encourages
children
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 to spend more time on them, leading to an unsatisfactory outcome in their studies.

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conclusion
Use a stronger closing sentence for your conclusion to leave a more impactful impression.
support
Add more specific examples or studies to support your points about both the positive and negative effects of computer games.
cohesion
Smooth transitions between concepts can enhance coherence; consider linking sentences or paragraphs more fluidly.
introduction
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and sets the stage for the arguments you will present.
organization
The body paragraphs are well-organized and maintain clear topic sentences.
balance
You provide balanced views by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of computer games.
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