IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people thinks computer games have negative impacts on children.To what extent do you agreee or disagree ?

#people #computer #games #impacts #children #agreee
In
this
 contemporary era,there is
heated
Add an article
a heated
the heated
show examples
 argument over issues that
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of individuals believe in artificial intelligence
games
 have
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 impact on
pupils
.A majority of society favour that mentioned phenomenon.
However
,I fully accord with
this
 statement.I will discuss the logical conclusion in the upcoming paragraph. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 adequate evidence of
this
 view which are substantial.The first and foremost reason is playing video
games
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
really have to negative impacts on
learners
Change noun form
learners'
learner's
show examples
study
Replace the word
studies
show examples
.
Whereas
while
 playing
games
 on
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 are very lazy to study as they cannot concentrate on their curriculum.
Although
 they get
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
very poor marks in their exams.Adding more to it
while
 playing
games
 on artificial intelligence they do not have much time to give their studies
as well as
pupils
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 very lazy to do any household work.
Additionally
Add a comma
,Additionally
show examples
 in some
research
Add a comma
,research
show examples
 there was
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
one Indian man
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
named Sagar Attri
he
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 never passed his
enterence
Correct your spelling
entrance
 exam because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
he always played video
games
instead
 of exam preparation. Probing ahead there are
also
 many drawbacks of playing
games
such
 as
pupils
 are interact
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 serious offence
crime
Change preposition
of crime
show examples
.Because of Nowadays
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lots
Correct quantifier usage
lot
show examples
 of crime
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 developed.
Initially
Add a comma
,Initially
show examples
learner's
Change noun form
learners
show examples
 are attracted to suicide
while
 playing computer
games
.
Besides In recent
Change preposition
Recent
show examples
 research found that playing blue whale
games
 by
pupils
 they committed suicide and
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the game
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
told them they must have to listen. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 learners have to give
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time to play video
games
 but they
also
 must have to focus on their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 children don't have to give their all attention to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
games
 they must have to think about their parents and
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 future.
Submitted by sharma1997.rahulthakur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: