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Band 7.5

Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #birth #thirties #development
Marriage is one of the most important phases of life. A relationship like marriage requires mutual respect for decisions, understanding between two individuals, support, coordination and love. These characteristics are important in order to make the bond stronger. It is more like a contract but unlike others,
this
 one is signed for life. Many couples nowadays do not want to conceive early. The reasons could be many. Some are more focused on their careers. People usually graduate around the age of 23. Post-graduation is necessary in today’s world in order to secure a good position or job.
This
 adds another 2 to 3 years. Opening jobs are not always good ones. Professional 3 to 4 years of experience is needed for a more secure and decent job. By the time when the person acquires all of
this
 and becomes professionally
as well as
 financially stable he or she has entered into their thirties. Another factor is some people need time to understand their partner.
However
, some are simply not ready for
this
 big responsibility. Many women leave their careers after the birth of their child. A career break is not often welcomed contentedly.
Therefore
 some are left behind and lose their confidence. They restrict themselves to their homes.
According to
 ,statistics the number of couples giving birth in the late thirties is much higher. In my opinion, it is a positive approach to have kids when you are financially sound and stable. In
this
 way, your struggling years will be over. One can spend more valuable time with his or her children.
Submitted by aribaatique11 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement, and the conclusion is abrupt. Expand on the main points and ensure a smooth transition between ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the trend of getting married and giving birth in one's thirties. It provides relevant examples and comprehensive ideas, but the main points could be further developed.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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