IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, older people who need employment have to compete with younger people. What problems does this cause and what are the Solutions?

#people #employment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 era that we are living
,
Change preposition
in, younger
show examples
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation
seek
Change the verb form
seeks
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
golden opportunities in the business market which could lead to the competition between
young
Add an article
the young
a young
show examples
 and old generation
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 could cause a few problems. One of the main issues which could occur is that when managers want to hire
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 workforce, they have to choose between experienced
workers
Use synonyms
 and young
workers
Use synonyms
. On
this
Linking Words
 account, it is a hard decision to make as both groups could be as qualified as each other for
this
Linking Words
 vacancy. To illustrate, on one hand, the manager can use the experience of older
workers
Use synonyms
 and
on the other hand
Linking Words
, youngsters are
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
stimulant to the
job
Use synonyms
 because they are more active and they could get things done faster.
Therefore
Linking Words
, choosing between these two groups can be a problem and mischoosing could
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disappointment for each employee and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to putting them in
wrong
Add an article
the wrong
show examples
 place.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can put
on
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
Add an article
the obstacle
an obstacle
show examples
obstacle
Fix the agreement mistake
obstacles
show examples
 in the work process.
Hence
Linking Words
, employers have to pick out among oldsters and youngsters that could make stiff conditions in that business. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, employers have to categorize their priorities for hiring new
workers
Use synonyms
 to make the right decision for each position.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they have to put in order the quality of each workforce
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
For instance
Linking Words
, for
high rank
Add a hyphen
high-rank
show examples
jobs
Add a comma
,jobs
show examples
 they have to consider the work experience element as it is very important and for
low
Add a hyphen
low-job
show examples
job
Use synonyms
positions
Add a comma
,positions
show examples
 managers might look into the best quality of each volunteer.
This
Linking Words
 could give a chance to younger ones and in some cases,
boss
Add an article
the boss
a boss
show examples
 could ignore their background. Eventually, making the right decision is an important task that every employer
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to manage. In conclusion, putting every individual in the correct
job
Use synonyms
 position can avoid serious problems in the
job
Use synonyms
 market.
Submitted by mshirzadm77 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: