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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #temperatures #hours #sunshine #year #three #cities #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The
graph
Use synonyms
 and table present the
approximatively
Change the word
approximate
show examples
 monthly temperatures and the
number
Use synonyms
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 of sun
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
registered per year in
London
Use synonyms
, New
York
Use synonyms
, and Sydney.
Overall
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
graph
Use synonyms
 is shown that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
New
York
Use synonyms
 has the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 of sunshine in July.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 in the table is seen that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
New
York
Use synonyms
 has the biggest total annual
hours
Use synonyms
 of sun.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
graph
Use synonyms
 illustrates the
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
hours
Use synonyms
 of sunshine in New
York
Use synonyms
 about 30
hours
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, which is the biggest
number
Use synonyms
 in the
graph
Use synonyms
through
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other cities.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 of daylight in New
York
Use synonyms
 was
in
Change the preposition
on
show examples
 January, 4 respectively. In
Use synonyms
London
Add a comma
,London
show examples
 the most daytime was in July, over 23
hours
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, which is the same bright month as
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
New
York
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.
As well as
Linking Words
 for New
York
Use synonyms
,
London
Use synonyms
 has the least
number
Use synonyms
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 of daylight in January, above 5
hours
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in
Sydney
Add a comma
,Sydney
show examples
 the most sunshine period was in January, under 30
hours
Use synonyms
, and the lowest
Add a missing verb
was in
show examples
in
Change the preposition
on
show examples
 July, 15
approximatively
Replace the word
approximately
show examples
. The table
depict
Change the verb form
depicts
show examples
 that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
New
York
Use synonyms
 has the greatest
number
Use synonyms
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 of
sun
Add an article
the sun
show examples
 making up 2 535
hours
Use synonyms
 per year. The second city is Sydney with 2473
hours
Use synonyms
 and the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 has
London
Use synonyms
, with 1180
hours
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by miss.garlic2021 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, number, hours, london, york with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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