IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the government should support the funds for the arts, while some other people suggest that the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
this
Linking Words
 day and age,
while
Linking Words
 many people argue that it is essential to allocate funding for the
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
show examples
, others
content
Use the right word
contend
show examples
 that
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 budget should be spent on healthcare services and educational
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives and the reasons why I am in favour of the
later
Use the right word
latter
show examples
 view. On the one hand, there are reasons why people
hole
Use the right word
hold
show examples
 a belief
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 investing in the art. (A1): spirit life (B1) – happy – work more productively (A2): culture preservation (B2) national personality
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a large amount of money has been expended on
caring
Verb problem
apply
show examples
public health
during
Check wording
care during
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 few decades.
This
Linking Words
 is because of growing dangerous diseases
such
Linking Words
 as the
pandemic Covid-19
Correct word order
COVID-19 pandemic
show examples
, which
threaten
Correct subject-verb agreement
threatens
show examples
 millions of people’s lives. If the authorities ignore and do not pay much attention to equip modern facilities
as well as
Linking Words
 medicines, we cannot imagine how many patients will suffer from dead. And there definitely is a tremendous effect of
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 in
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
show examples
 years. In
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of education, as a saying
goes
Punctuation problem
goes,
show examples
 “Investing in education is the nation’s priority”, it means the expenditure on schools and
traing
Correct your spelling
training
 will bring loads of realistic values. The more wisdom the people
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
, the more contribution they
have
Verb problem
make
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the development of the whole society. On top of that, the poor cannot afford
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 health and education
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, only
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can assist them. In conclusion, it is undeniable
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 vital role of government
in
Verb problem
is in
show examples
 finding sources to support healthcare services and academic institutions. From my perspective, despite the essential role of art in our
spirit
Replace the word
spiritual
show examples
 life, more investment in physical health and
widen
Replace the word
wider
show examples
 knowledge should have a
lots
Fix the agreement mistake
lot
show examples
 of perks in the long term to
further
Linking Words
 each nation’s sustainable development.

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task
State a clear view in the first paragraph and keep it through the essay.
coherence
Add topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to show the main point.
coherence
Give better links between ideas using simple connectives like 'also', 'however', 'for example'.
scope
Explain ideas with more real examples that fit the topic (not just general statements).
grammar
Check spelling and grammar; fix word form and article errors.
content
The essay shows an attempt to discuss both sides.
organization
It uses a few link words to mark points.
stance
The student gives a personal view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • public health
  • education system
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • tourism
  • local economies
  • quality of life
  • essential services
  • community engagement
  • mental health
  • social cohesion
  • public funding
  • balanced budget
  • investment in arts
What to do next:
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