IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays , women as well as men work full time. Therefore, women and men should share household tasks equally. ( eg cleaning and looking after children ).To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is clear that
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 there are many discussions about sharing household
tasks
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such
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 as cleaning and caring baby equally between
males
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 and females because of increasing women's working time. I completely agree that
housework
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 must be shared between them.
Firstly
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, as we know, the role of robots which can help
people
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 to do
housework
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 in our life affects all work.
As a result
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, spending time on household work has witnessed a decrease day by day.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 don't like to be busy with the same repeatable
tasks
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.
For example
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, electronic gadgets
such
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 as vacuum cleaners, washing machines and dishwashers help wives and husbands manage their
housework
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 more easily.
Consequently
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, passing the
tasks
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 to robots helps
males
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 to do these
tasks
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such
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 as washing, cleaning and sweeping.
On the other hand
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, both genders should improve themselves to win the competitive worker market.
In addition
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, females became workers in several genres of engineering parallel with
males
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.
For example
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, women who work as developers must improve themselves on new technology.
Thus
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,
males
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 should help their wives because of their future working life,
then
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this
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 decision will increase the monthly income of the family.
Then
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, the family can hire a cleaner and pass their
tasks
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 to him
while
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 they learn new tech. In conclusion,
people
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 in different cultures will discuss
this
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 topic for a long time.
Although
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this
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 discussion depends on many factors
such
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 as country, religion and respect between wife and husband ,from my point of view
people
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 who have modern thoughts will agree with my opinion about the equality of
males
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 and females in
housework
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.

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task achievement
Task Achievement: To improve your score further, make sure to directly address the prompt throughout the essay. While you did take a clear position, you could have further consolidated your arguments by providing more relevant examples pertaining to the sharing of household duties, rather than focusing broadly on technological advancements.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: To enhance coherence, create a stronger logical flow between ideas and paragraphs by using a range of cohesive devices effectively. Also, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme that is developed throughout. For cohesion, work on improving paragraphing and use more linking phrases to connect ideas between sentences.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender roles
  • Evolved
  • Gender equality
  • Economic necessity
  • Household responsibilities
  • Parenting
  • Child-rearing
  • Equitable
  • Family dynamics
  • Skill development
  • Empathy
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal expectations
  • Egalitarian
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