IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the best way to become successful in life is to get a university education, whereas others say this is no longer true. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #life #university #education
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
How to achieve success in personal life is always a hot topic.
Although
people
 can make achievements without having an academic qualification, I would argue that higher
education
 is the best choice to ensure a bright future. It is true that experience in professional fields and passion can lead to success. Accumulating skills and experience in a specific area allows
people
 to become experts in
this
 subject and be amply rewarded.
For instance
, most football stars have never gone to university.
However
, their competence in playing football and their strategies for winning matches make them successful athletes who can earn enormous fame and wealth.
Besides
, passion is
also
 a key factor in achieving one's goal. To give an illustration, the well-known inventor Edison only finished elementary school, but his enthusiasm for exploring the electrical world not only made him one of the greatest inventors of the 20th century but
also
 turned him into a successful businessman. Despite the benefits of other elements discussed above. I would argue that going to university or college is the best choice for
people
. Most importantly, it opens the door to better job opportunities. Nowadays, most high-skill positions require at least a bachelor's degree in relevant fields.
For instance
, it is impossible to become a doctor or an electrical engineer without receiving post-secondary
education
.
Therefore
, having higher
education
 experience allows
people
 to get decent jobs and earn satisfying salaries. What is more, today's job market is extremely competitive. For one open position, there could be hundreds of applicants. In
this
 situation, only
people
 with degrees have the chance to win out. In conclusion, other factors
also
 contribute to success in life, but I believe higher
education
 is the best of all.
Submitted by sabrinahuang0105 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all examples provided are directly relevant to the main points and effectively support the arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas and create a more seamless flow of information.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas in a more diverse and precise manner.
grammatical range
Work on using more complex sentence structures and varying sentence patterns to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical accuracy and flexibility.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • university degree
  • specialized knowledge
  • critical thinking skills
  • networking opportunities
  • vocational training
  • self-made entrepreneurs
  • gig economy
  • online courses
  • certifications
  • formal education
  • practical experience
  • lifelong learning
  • career goals
  • individual circumstances
  • academic qualifications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: