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Band 7.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing are as important to child's developmet as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in highschool. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#art #classes #child #developmet #subjects #highschool
It is a generally acknowledged fact that some
art
 subjects are significant to the improvement of
children
 like other lessons,
as well as
 need to be obligatory in high school. The writer will agree with
this
 statement because of the benefit on a child's brain and improvement more creativity. I hold to the belief that the aspect of
this
 essay will be thoroughly examined. First and foremost, the great impact of
art
 classes is the ground that people argue for the proper standard of a child's development. Obviously, painting and drawing provide more opportunities for
children
 to improve their brains in life.
As a result
, people can be more creative and
also
 supply the candidates with a promising future career.
For example
, the world nowadays has many famous artists who can earn a large amount of money. Equally importantly, there is incontrovertible evidence that there has been a wide range of practical benefits that
art
 subjects can help
children
 think more about their lives. The remarkable feature of imagination is to provide for
children
's brain development including the improvement of the profound thoughts of the world.
This
 enables them to exist, and self-improve in any challenging situations.
As a consequence
,
children
 who know how to control that may have more choices to select their future jobs. To recapitulate,
art
 classes
such
 as painting and drawing have substantial influences on education.
Therefore
, it is significant that the tight and suitable combination of high school to compulsory
art
 lessons ought to be examined thoroughly and carefully to enhance the teenagers' brain development
as well as
 their excellent native talents.
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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt and offers a clear stance, consider adding more nuanced arguments or counterpoints to enhance depth and complexity.
coherence cohesion
Aim to make smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Try to incorporate more real-world examples or studies to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider reviewing your grammar and vocabulary to eliminate occasional inaccuracies and make your language more precise.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your stance, giving a good overview of what to expect in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provided logical arguments supporting the significance of art classes in children’s development.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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