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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business? Use specific reasons to explain your choice.

#people #work #business #employer #someone #choice
It is true that certain people and myself included are in between two minds whether to
work
 for
others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or to
work
 for themselves,
such
 as being
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-employed, working online as a freelance or
run
Wrong verb form
running
show examples
 their own
business
. I would prefer to
work
 for myself rather than
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 for
others
 for many reasons, in the following essay I am going to explain my point of view.
To begin
 with, the personal ambition for anyone of us is to achieve success in
his
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
 career and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 satisfied with
his
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
 life,
therefore
 following our passion by running our
business
 even if it is a small shop or a humble project,
for example
 in my neighbourhood the vast majority of people in the same age of mine, have their own
work
,
such
 as small markets and crafts shops, they prefer
this
 trend and some of them gaining money that they could not gain by working for
others
.
Therefore
, these successful examples
encouraging
Wrong verb form
encouraged
show examples
 me to follow my dream
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 running my own
business
.
on the other hand
, bad
work
 conditions and injustice could be the reasons why people tend to
work
 for themselves even if they would gain a little money.
For instance
, in Egypt, youth who travel to
work
 abroad have suffered from injustice happened by their employers outside,
such
 as cutting their salaries without any
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
, keeping them in dirty accommodations,
additionally
 treating them like a machine
no
Change preposition
with no
show examples
 rest
no
Correct word choice
and no
show examples
 vacations, they have been exploited for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time there,
thus
 most of them got back home and open their own
business
 by the little money
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 had saved from outside
work
. In conclusion, it has been a controversial topic for a long time but it is up to the personal decision for each other, and I strongly support
to have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 a small
business
Correct your spelling
rather
rahter
Correct your spelling
rather
 than working for
others
Submitted by abdoo.magicoo on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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