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Band 3.5

Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree ?

#people #communication #technology #effects #relationships
It is true that social media are
haivng
Correct your spelling
having
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain effects on people and their lives. From my perspective, I completely agree with the view that new communication technology is having some detrimental effects on people’s relationships.
To begin
 with, it is undeniable that chatting on the
Internet
 is far more convenient than
meeitng
Correct your spelling
meeting
 face-to-face. They just need a computer or a mobile phone and
then
 they could talk about everything together right at their
hane
Correct your spelling
home
.
However
,
this
also
 leads to many problems. As
thuey
Correct your spelling
they
 are just at
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
home and chatting on the
Internet
, they will become reluctant to go outside and meet their
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 face-to-face. They may not feel relaxed and confident
while
 meeting friends and
their
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 could even
leads
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lead
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 to some psychological problems
such
 as depression….
Moreover
, the
Internet
 is not completely safe for people, especially teenagers. The more time they spend on the
Internet
, the more likely they could be taken in by someone on the
Internet
. As they only talk together through
chuat
Correct your spelling
chat
 rooms,
video
Correct word choice
and video
show examples
 calls, they could be easily taken in by many bad guys with bad purposes In conclusion, I completely
with
Change preposition
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
view that modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 because they could be
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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