It is sometimes argued that personal achievement depends on a fair and equitable society or personal freedom. In my opinion, I believe that these two factors are prime drivers for individuals to achieve more.

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At present, it has been
saying
Wrong verb form
said
show examples
that the relationship between individual accomplishment and equal rights
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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developing day by day. Certain people believe that a
person
Use synonyms
can reach the peak of success
while
Linking Words
living in identical communities.
On the other hand
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, another group of people convey that one can gain whatever he wants from his career only when he does not have any boundaries for being
pass
Correct your spelling
past
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or unsuccessful owing to his personal strength. In the forthcoming paragraph, I will explain both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
with
proper
Change the word
properly
show examples
explanation.
To begin
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with, equal realm refers to a community where all the people get the same facilities from that realm.
Moreover
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, the laws enforce equally among the public. So, it does not matter if the
convict
Change the verb form
convicted
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person
Use synonyms
is rich or poor, he will receive the exact punishment. For
this
Linking Words
, whenever a
person
Use synonyms
will think to do something illegal, deep in his mind he will be scared because of the regulations.
As a result
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, there will be less crime in the region.
For example
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, in an identical place, an individual does not have to worry about the environment, he can only focus
his
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on his
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achievement without worrying about other aspects of life.
Hence
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, after
graduation
Add a comma
,graduation
show examples
he will get a decent job
according to
Linking Words
his merit as there is no corruption in the corporate field because of the same priority. Alternatively, others hold the opinion that a
person
Use synonyms
can be successful in a free country where he has the autonomy to do things
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the way he wants.
Whereas
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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he has
the
Correct article usage
apply
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concern
Replace the word
concerned
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if he is not able to score
in
Change preposition
on
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the test, he can not get a good job. In
this
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case, if the
person
Use synonyms
has money and power, he not only gets the score but
also
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secure
Correct subject-verb agreement
secures
show examples
the perfect employment for him.
For instance
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, I have seen one of my friends
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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doing a job in a high position in a pharmaceutical company after graduating. He was not better
that
Correct word choice
than
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me in
studies
Correct pronoun usage
my studies
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,
on
Correct word choice
and on
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top of that he always copied me. I had to struggle a lot for getting
a work
Remove the article
work
a job
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, as I did not know anyone from the field. The reason why he got it
due to
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his dad, who was a production manager of that company.
To sum up
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, from my perspective, I believe each side has
positive
Add an article
a positive
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and adverse
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Government should ensure strict regulations and laws in the country.
Therefore
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,
Correct article usage
the pubic
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pubic
Correct your spelling
public
show examples
must follow the rules provided by the authority.
Submitted by Alma Islam on

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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