IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 9

Many people believe that funding space exploration is important. To what extent do you agree?

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Plenty of
people
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 claim that it is essential to spend money on investigating space. I totally agree with the given statement. I suppose that the natural resources will run out, so
people
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 will need another place to live. The discovery of an appropriate planet can be invaluable.
Furthermore
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, the study of the universe can lead to finding reasonable solutions for everyday problems. A great deal of studies indicate that as the years pass the natural deposits of the earth deplete,
subsequently
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;
this
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 makes inhabiting another planet necessary.
This
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 possible situation is a serious threat to mankind. When humans are not able to find vital items, their total number will probably start to drop because of various illnesses, hunger, shortage of water and so on. In Africa,
for example
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; the population lacks water and food.
As a result
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, the death rate is rather high. The same scene, but in a more catastrophic way, will penetrate the entire world after a period, if a new place is not found for humankind. The outcomes of the exploration of the cosmos affect
people
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's daily lives. The usage of satellites makes live maps, TV programmes, WWW and things like these available. These innovations accelerate the process of communication, lessen the barriers to it and keep
people
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 updated.
For instance
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, roughly 20 years ago, dialled telephones containing a few functions were widely used and
people
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 used to interact by only phone calls because typing used to take a lot of time.
However
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, nowadays, texting is more popular than calling. These are all long-term consequences of initial steps in the way of space research. In conclusion, I am definitely for the idea of using money for investigations into the cosmos since a chance to discover a suitable location is a treasure for the following generations as well and the results speed up the tempo of a normal life undeniably.

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General
For further improvement, consider diversifying your vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the sophistication of the essay.
Coherence/Cohesion
In future essays, ensure to provide broader variations of examples and elaborate more on each point to deepen the analysis and strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
While you've demonstrated clear task achievement, further exploration of counterarguments, followed by a rebuttal, can add depth and balance to your essays.
Coherence/Cohesion
Your essay presents a well-structured argument, excellently maintaining logical flow throughout, which significantly aids in readability and comprehension.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are both effectively formulated, presenting your opinion clearly and summarizing the main points succinctly.
Task Achievement
You’ve done an excellent job at responding to the task, providing relevant examples and fully exploring your position on the importance of funding space exploration.
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