IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say football players who have talent are the best. Others say players who learn the skill are better. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #football #players #talent #skill
While
 some argue that the best
soccer
 player may have abilities genetically, other people believe that the better way to be a professional athlete is
a
Change preposition
through a
show examples
learning process to acquire the skill and knowledge.
Although
 I partly admit
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 former statement, I am more inclined to the latter argument. First and foremost, it seems that there are several internal and international figures in
such
 a competitive field.
For instance
, Mitoma Kaoru, who has become famous because of his outstanding skills in the World Cup game, belongs to the England team and the communities tend to praise him mainly because he would greatly contribute to the group
according to
 the Guardian. It is said that he learned about the methods of sports at the university, encouraging him to focus on his studying rather than playing for a couple of years.
Furthermore
, it appears that a celebrity called Messi started to practice
soccer
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 his early childhood despite the fact that he used to be shorter in height.
Secondly
, it is considered that most boys in Japan play
soccer
 on a daily basis because they want to be
Add an article
a
show examples
professional
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
spite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the harsh dream.
For example
, research shows that more than 50% of male students choose
soccer
 when they need to select either baseball or
soccer
. It is true that only a few per cent of them can achieve their dreams.
However
, a number of students may learn how to work in the environment,
cooperating
Wrong verb form
cooperate
show examples
 with each other
as well as
managing
Wrong verb form
manage
show examples
 how to survive in a team.
To conclude
,
whereas
 talent itself plays a crucial role in accomplishing a tough dream, it can be clearly seen that people are making greater efforts to strive to move forward.
Submitted by flower84 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: