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Band 6.5

Many people these days rely on traditional medicines rather than going to doctors. What are the causes? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #medicines #doctors #development
An increasing number of people trust alternative
medicine
instead
 of conventional
medicine
. In my opinion,
this
 is a negative development which can lead to deterioration in health and wasteful spending. One of the main problems that traditional
medicine
 might cause is unknown side effects.
Because many
Correct word choice
Many
show examples
 alternative medicines have not been tested scientifically, which means they may produce negative effects and worsen the condition of the patient,
such
 as asthma, nausea, headaches, allergic reactions and rashes. If a sick person continues having natural
treatment
instead
 of going to a hospital, the illness could get worse without
treatment
 from a doctor.
As a result
, in the end, these people will spend more of their time and money to get better or might even die because they were not treated on time. Another issue is that traditional
medicine
 may have no beneficial effect at all,
due to
 it cannot be proven.
In other words
, people can spend a lot of money on
treatment
 and not have a result.
Furthermore
, many traditional practitioners work without a license and there is a high possibility that they are charlatans. The reason for
this
 is that the practitioners have not graduated from medical school, passed any exams, or been certified by a board. So it can be dangerous to have a
treatment
 from them. Even if their method works, it takes a long time to see changes in health. In conclusion, even though traditional
medicine
 has become more popular nowadays, it has a lot of drawbacks to be considered as a positive development.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Task Achievement
Ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed, including the causes for the reliance on traditional medicine.
Task Achievement
Clarify and develop ideas fully with focused, relevant supporting examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain logical sequencing of ideas throughout the essay, with clear paragraphing and cohesive devices.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be cautious of generalisations without clear supporting evidence, and avoid assertions that lack substantiation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Natural remedies
  • Cost-effective
  • Medical skepticism
  • Adverse side effects
  • Pharmaceutical companies
  • Accessibility
  • Rural regions
  • Anecdotal success stories
  • Holistic approach
  • Treat the root cause
  • Conventional medicine
  • Traditional practices
  • Economic factors
  • Trust and belief systems
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