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Writing Samples
Band 5

shops should not be allowed to sell any foods or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people's health

#shops #foods #drinks #people #health
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Commercial
stores
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 that have perishable items consisting of chemicals have to stop selling to the consumer, especially if it is proven by the experts that it will cause
people
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's
health
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 in danger. In
this
Linking Words
essay
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,essay
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 we will discuss the importance of economics and
people
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’s
health
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, as most of us blame the national
government
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 for what is happening in our surroundings, These past few years, junk food has been very famous in all small
stores
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, especially for children. They find it mouth watery to eat.
However
Linking Words
, these kinds of
products
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 have some chemicals that are not good for your body, but
stores
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 keep on selling for profit. The
government
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 cannot ban it as it will help them to grow,
for example
Linking Words
, cigarettes and alcohol. Consumers are fully aware that consuming them is a danger to their
health
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, yet we are still patronizing these
products
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.
Although
Linking Words
 the
government
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 and store owners are aware of the causes,
this
Linking Words
 company couldn’t stop supplying them as they are one of the highest
contributions
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contributors
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 to profit. The
government
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 can only warn the
people
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 about the disadvantages that it will cause to their
health
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. Moving forward, it will always depend on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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how
Correct word choice
and how
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 they will live. Discipline is always the key to everything. We cannot stop commercial
stores
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selling
Change preposition
from selling
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 some
products
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 that are prohibited as they only want to make a profit and live their lives.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
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 have the power to choose and stop purchasing these kinds of
products
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. In conclusion, national governments are looking for possibilities and seeing
to
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too
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 way options for everything, not only for
economy
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the economy
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 but for
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people
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people's
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health
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 and safety. Our contribution is to be open-minded and make the right choice.
In addition
Linking Words
, if no one is buying these prohibited items, for sure it will stop producing and selling in all the markets.
Submitted by miemieperez on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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