IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#technology #people #viewpoints
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There is no doubt that these days a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 used modern
technology
Use synonyms
 to make their life easier. The question is, is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technology
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
impactful
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our society? In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I am going to discuss my view and my personal conclusion. Many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technology
Use synonyms
 has driven us apart. In terms of disadvantages, it has
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
 on our communication
skills
Use synonyms
. The main reason given to support
this
Linking Words
 claim is that a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 spent their time on their mobile
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 on social media platforms. To illustrate, there are many
researches
Change the wording
types of research
pieces of research
kinds of research
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 talked about
this
Linking Words
 problem if you spent more than 3 hours on your mobile each day and you did not interact with real
people
Use synonyms
 and communicate with them that will lead you to
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 your communication
skills
Use synonyms
.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 has
effect
Add an article
an effect
show examples
 on our
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 and our personal
skills
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technology
Use synonyms
 has advantages
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our society.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
 it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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assistance us to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others in
easy
Change the article
an easy
show examples
 way and
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, it
is makes
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 us closer
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our community
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 the other world to know what happened around us and what is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
updated.
In addition
Linking Words
, we can easily find out some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
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they
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have the same interests
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 us to share
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 together.
This
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 is because it is driven us to be open with many communities and
people
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technology
Use synonyms
 has
impactful
Add a missing verb
been impactful
show examples
 on our society.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that it has a lot of advantages but we should have
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
 time to use it and engage with real
people
Use synonyms
 to avoid
lost
Wrong verb form
losing
show examples
 our communication
skills
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mamirzaium on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
What to do next:
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