IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#technology #people #viewpoints
There is no doubt that these days a lot of
people
 used modern
technology
 to make their life easier. The question is, is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technology
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
impactful
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our society? In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I am going to discuss my view and my personal conclusion. Many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technology
 has driven us apart. In terms of disadvantages, it has
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
 on our communication
skills
. The main reason given to support
this
 claim is that a lot of
people
 spent their time on their mobile
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 on social media platforms. To illustrate, there are many
researches
Change the wording
types of research
pieces of research
kinds of research
show examples
 talked about
this
 problem if you spent more than 3 hours on your mobile each day and you did not interact with real
people
 and communicate with them that will lead you to
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 your communication
skills
.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
 has
effect
Add an article
an effect
show examples
 on our
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 and our personal
skills
.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technology
 has advantages
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our society.
To begin
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
 it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
assistance us to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others in
easy
Change the article
an easy
show examples
 way and
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
.
In other words
, it
is makes
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 us closer
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our community
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
 the other world to know what happened around us and what is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
updated.
In addition
, we can easily find out some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have the same interests
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 us to share
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 together.
This
 is because it is driven us to be open with many communities and
people
. In conclusion,
although
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technology
 has
impactful
Add a missing verb
been impactful
show examples
 on our society.
Therefore
, I believe that it has a lot of advantages but we should have
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
 time to use it and engage with real
people
 to avoid
lost
Wrong verb form
losing
show examples
 our communication
skills
.
Submitted by mamirzaium on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
What to do next:
Look at other essays: