IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that movies should only be for entertainment. Others think they should also have educational value. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #movies #entertainment #value
The ubiquity of the
film
 industry is undeniable, it has permeated in many aspects of our daily lives. It has heated controversies with many people claiming
film
 should only be for
entertainment
,
while
 others believe educational value should be needed in the
film
 industry. I totally agree with the latter. I will highlight my personal perspective in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, the purpose of watching films simply is
entertainment
. Nowadays, we are now busy with a bunch of tasks in school and company and do not have enough time for entertaining activities. So, watching films is a good solution for relaxing which helps us a lot in our spiritual lives.
Besides
, movies which depend on the genre can stimulate our brains to work more creatively.
On the other hand
, we are living in the fourth industrial revolution in which cinema plays a key role in bringing
entertainment
. From that, the movie is seen as the best way to unwind our minds, especially if it includes educational factors.
For example
, we usually let kids watch valuable videos on social media platforms which encourages offspring to enhance their sense of cognition.
Therefore
, movies have educational information which brings to viewers core values and norms.
In addition
, in the modern era like nowadays, we can approach more informative news through movies. From that, we can learn more knowledge
while
 we are relaxing. In conclusion,
although
 a movie is a tool for
entertainment
, I am of the opinion that the
film
 industry should have educational factors.
Due to
 the values from the
film
, we will get more lessons for our daily lives.
Submitted by okookk123456 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. Paragraph transitions could be smoother to help guide the reader through your points more effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, consider refining them to more precisely state your main points and personal stance. A clear thesis statement would be beneficial.
Task Achievement
Each main point you present should be well-supported with relevant examples or evidence. Aim to integrate more specific examples from credible sources to reinforce your arguments.
Task Achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the task equally. While your essay provides a clear response, developing your discussion of the entertainment view and balancing it with the educational perspective would improve task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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