IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently.To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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It is often argued that making a decision about the future occupation at a younger age and adhering to it could yield more satisfactory results than permanently changing jobs. completely agreeing with
this
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 statement, I believe that early exposure to a
job
Use synonyms
 equips individuals with the required qualities,
while
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, not pursuing a career could lead to dissatisfaction. Frequently changing jobs prevents specializing. Having Jumped from
one
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 branch to another, doers naturally have less
time
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 to spend on extending their knowledge and gaining efficient experiences.
This
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 lack of adequate qualities,
consequently
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, leads to inefficiency at work, leading to frustration in professional
life
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. A salient example of
this
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 is my cousin, who commenced studying civil engineering after graduating from psychology; Yet, now she is an amateur dentist assistant and earns the minimum salary, demonstrating the adverse impact of instability on
job
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 dissatisfaction. Admittedly,
this
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 approach has assisted some individuals in finding their favourite
job
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;
Nonetheless
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, in many
such
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 cases,
this
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 has resulted in wasting
time
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, money and energy and
consequently
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, failure to obtain a thriving professional position.
Conversely
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, dedication to
one
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 decision about a future
job
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 from earlier ages usually cultivates a fulfilling working
life
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. Adherence to
one
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 particular way, people usually spend more
time
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 and energy to extend their knowledge.
This
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 expertise enables them to flourish in their occupation , resulting in a fulfilling professional
life
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. A study from Harvard University found that 90% of well-known Ophthalmologists globally started studying medical books before the age of 14, highlighting the correlation between the amount of
time
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 dedicated to
one
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 subject and the extent of success.
Furthermore
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, the early start makes people more experienced which is not achievable in a short
time
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,
while
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 it is the second key to
job
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 accomplishment and ultimately
job
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 satisfaction. In conclusion, investing the whole
life
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 in a determined
job
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 paves the way toward a flourishing
as well as
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 pleasing professional
life
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.
Therefore
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, the idea that early deciding about a career path and keeping to it guarantees
job
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 satisfaction is widely supported.

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Task Achievement
Consider elaborating on your cousin's case to strengthen your argument about the negative impacts of job changes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next to enhance flow and clarity; consider using more cohesive devices.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position and outlines the essay's focus, effectively setting the stage for the discussion.
Task Achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as the study from Harvard University and your cousin's experience, which help to illustrate your points well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
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