IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

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Over the past few decades, there are significant changes in the lifestyle of
a human beings
Correct the article-noun agreement
human beings
a human being
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. In the modern world, obesity creates serious
health
 issues in
children
. It is common public opinion that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
Government
 plays a vital role in
this
 issue. I vehemently agree with the given statement. In the modern era,
children
 like to eat more outside food rather than homely foods. To some extent, parents are
also
 responsible for obesity in
children
. But the
Government
 should be more focused on a healthy lifestyle.
For instance
, Authority should implement more taxes on fast food.
This
 will control the unhealthy eating cycle. Private shops like Mc Donalds attract
children
 in a different method. They are giving offers like happy meals.
This
 gives a tendency to buy fast food by youngsters.
Furthermore
, they should provide more public parks for doing exercises. There are parks available in the streets, but the accessibility is too low. Most of the parks are away from residential areas.
As a result
, they became lazy.
In addition
 to
this
, from childhood onwards, the
Government
 should give awareness programs and classes to
children
. To cite an example, a survey conducted by the
health
 authority in 2018 in India. There is an increase in the Child death rate over the year. 65% of the cause of death is Heart-related problems. So in, schools they should give equal importance to Physical activities too. they should conduct some sports activities. and give rewards to the winning person.
This
 will encourage
children
 to do some physical activities.
To conclude
,
Instead
 of spending money on unnecessary things. The
Government
 should concentrate on public
health
. Hopefully, The
government
 can control the global
health
 issue in the future.
Submitted by anjualex444 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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