IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some countries, more and more parents begin to teach their children at home rather than send them to school. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #parents #children #home #school #trend
In
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of nations ,most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
guardians are giving preference to
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
 their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 at
home
 despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
getting them
Add the particle
to admit
show examples
admit
Change the form of the verb
admitted
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools
.
However
,
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 of
this
 trend
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 overshadowing its benefits by stunting the mental and physical growth of a child in many aspects. To commence with , keeping the kids
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
home
Add an article
the home
a home
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 study
instead
 of sending them to
edcational
Correct your spelling
educational
 institutions
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of socialism in the
juviniles
Correct your spelling
juveniles
. To elaborate , in the
schools
 they would tend to meet with other students and it would teach them
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
to be social and gregarious .
Furthermore
, sending them to
schools
 will help to evolve the sense of co-operation and
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 in children , because there they would have to work as a team member or team leader sometimes ,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 would generate
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leadership
qualities
Correct the article-noun agreement
quality
show examples
 and
habit
Correct article usage
the habit
show examples
 of working in collaboration with others .To
site
Correct your spelling
cite
show examples
 an example ,
according to
survey
Add an article
a survey
show examples
 conducted by New York University in 2019, it was approved that
childern
Correct your spelling
children
used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
show examples
 to work in teams during
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
primary school had 89% leadership qualities to lead any group as a leader . In the contrast , educating them at the
home
 would make them unable to evolve all these capabilities in them mentioned above . To explicate , it would
also
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their physical growth not only mental growth ,as in
schools
 they are not only focused on academics ,but they
also
 give equal priority to sports as well .
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, study and sports are going in synchronization in
schools
,
while
 at
home
parents
 could not able to maintain
this
 timetable on the daily basis .
On the other hand
 , keeping the
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 at
home
 will help to make them feel more attached
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their families .To add one more benefit ,
parents
 would feel
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
safer by seeing their kids studying in front of them rather than sending them to classrooms .
To conclude
, teaching the young ones at
home
 will help the
parents
 to keep their kids
feel
Wrong verb form
feeling
show examples
 more attached
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them ,but we can not ignore the list of demerits of keeping them away from school .Both the aspects ,
parents
 and school are predominant for
basic
Correct article usage
the basic
show examples
 development of
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 ,mentally and physically as well .
Submitted by sandeepjatana1997 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: