IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today, chirldren and teenagers are committing more crimes why is this case?How should they be punished?

Young generations offending the regulations are gaining in popularity, especially
children
Use synonyms
 and teenage individuals.
This
Linking Words
 might be explained by the impact of advanced technology and the laws itself but it can be controlled by several parental and government punishments. Two important reasons lead to an increasing number of crimes generated by
children
Use synonyms
 and teenagers. One of the principal reasons is the development of technology. More and more advanced technology products are being used by
children
Use synonyms
 and adolescents. Smartphones are the primary tools in which they can easily have assessments with variant toxic contents and channels that interest some
children
Use synonyms
. After a long-term reliance on those contents, they may imitate their dangerous actions and words, which can harm others and society as a whole. In terms of law, they may not be strict enough for those who are under 16. The traffic laws in Vietnam are quite loose in certain areas, the local students may be fined only a small amount of money, and even in some cases, they are considered error-free by the policeman when the students are caught not having helmet protection. These may be the reasons why they keep violating the rules. Despite the negative causes mentioned above, I think the statesmen should take these two measures to have the offended
children
Use synonyms
 punished and put
this
Linking Words
 issue to an end. The first is to encourage their parents to ban their
children
Use synonyms
's smartphone use if they see any symptoms of
children
Use synonyms
's overuse.
This
Linking Words
 could make the
children
Use synonyms
 less likely to be informed about detrimental content on the Internet.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the authorities should impose stricter laws on
children
Use synonyms
 by improving punishment levels when they are caught offending. Teenage individuals should be fined a greater amount of money so that they can obey the rules next time because they are afraid of being fined again, which can significantly enhance
this
Linking Words
 problem. In conclusion, young-age criminals are surging at an alarming rate
due to
Linking Words
 the impact of toxic contents on smart devices and the lack of strict regulations but these could be tackled by how the
children
Use synonyms
's parents control their use of technologies and preferable regulations introduced by the governments.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: