IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The unlimited uses of cars may cause many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce this problem, should we discourage people to use cars?

#cars #people
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At present,
people
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are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
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 their own vehicles over public
transportation
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 and
this
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 trend is increasing day by day. Several problems are being caused because of
this
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such
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 as the decline of crude oil
resources
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 for the future, environmental problems and respiratory diseases can be spread.
This
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 issue can be tackled by encouraging
people
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 to use public
transportation
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 and making them aware of the consequences.
To begin
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 with, using private vehicles in large numbers can result in the depletion of crude oil
resources
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 in the future.
For instance
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, scientists are assuming that these sources will be depleted by 2050.
In addition
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, the increase in motor vehicle usage can cause environmental
pollution
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such
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 as air
pollution
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. Environmental
pollution
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 not only stops resulting air
pollution
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 but
also
Linking Words
 will damage the ozone layer which helps
people
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 to protect themselves from the harmful rays of the sun. To prevent these problems, the government can assist with public
transportation
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 for individuals. By using health-related surveys, authorities can explain the causes of the increasing number of motor cars on the roads.
For example
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, in Singapore, each and every person is using common methods for their travel and
transportation
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such
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 as trains or metro buses.
Furthermore
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, the government authorities are assured that to available those modes of
transportation
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 are
frequently
Correct word choice
available frequently
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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 having a personal vehicle is a dream for everyone, as responsible
people
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 in order to protect the environment and
resources
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 for the future we can reduce the usage of motor cars.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government can help to promote public
transportation
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 among the
people
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. Thereby, we can reduce the rate of depletion of
resources
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 and environmental damage.
Submitted by silumidayawardana on

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task achievement
Ensure that all main ideas are consistently expanded with examples, as sometimes the supporting details may seem slightly generic.
coherence cohesion
Although you provide a clear structure, try to enhance paragraph transitions to further improve coherence and flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction that outlines the topic and provides a suitable conclusion that summarizes the main points.
task achievement
You effectively identify key problems arising from car usage and suggest solutions, addressing the essay prompt satisfactorily.
task achievement
The use of examples like Singapore enhances the essay by providing a practical solution, further supporting your points.
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