The two pie charts show how different industries used electricity in 1995 and 2005. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make consumptions where relevant.

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The pie charts provide information about the proportion of electricity that was used by distinguishable types of factories in

years

Correct article usage

the years

show examples

1995 and years 2005. Looking from an

overall

Linking Words

perspective, it is readily apparent that the majority of sectors decreased in 10 years with some brief exceptions.

In addition

Linking Words

, manufacturing industries made up the biggest part of

two

Correct article usage

the two

show examples

charts,

where as

Correct your spelling

whereas

show examples

the opposite is true

Add the particle

to form

show examples

form

Correct your spelling

for

show examples

service

Correct article usage

the service

show examples

category. To be specific, the figure

Change preposition

for

show examples

manufacturing comprised the most in both charts

although

Linking Words

it decreased slightly, accounting for 33% and 31% respectively, followed by food. The percentage of it went down

Change preposition

show examples

21%

at the end

Linking Words

. Not only these previous two categories went down, but

also

Linking Words

the percentage of fishery industries. It descended

significant

Change the word

significantly

show examples

, with the former being 20% and the latter

Change preposition

at 13

show examples

In contrast

Linking Words

, some groups have

went

Change the verb form

gone

show examples

through upward trends, the number of factories ranked

forth

Correct your spelling

fourth

show examples

which was 15% in 1995 but it made up

third

Correct article usage

the third

show examples

part, accounting for one in five. What is more, the chart of service was ranked bottom, at 8%,

however

Linking Words

, it grew considerably, making up 15%

at the end

Linking Words

ksl4308Fri Feb 24 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.

▼

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

184 words

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