IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts show how different industries used electricity in 1995 and 2005. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make consumptions where relevant.

#two #show #industries #electricity #summaries #information #features #consumptions
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The pie charts provide information about the proportion of electricity that was used by distinguishable types of factories in
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 1995 and years 2005. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is readily apparent that the majority of sectors decreased in 10 years with some brief exceptions.
In addition
Linking Words
, manufacturing industries made up the biggest part of
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 charts,
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
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 the opposite is true
Add the particle
to form
show examples
form
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
service
Correct article usage
the service
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 category. To be specific, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 manufacturing comprised the most in both charts
although
Linking Words
 it decreased slightly, accounting for 33% and 31% respectively, followed by food. The percentage of it went down
at
Change preposition
to
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 21%
at the end
Linking Words
. Not only these previous two categories went down, but
also
Linking Words
 the percentage of fishery industries. It descended
significant
Change the word
significantly
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, with the former being 20% and the latter
13
Change preposition
at 13
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%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some groups have
went
Change the verb form
gone
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 through upward trends, the number of factories ranked
forth
Correct your spelling
fourth
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 which was 15% in 1995 but it made up
third
Correct article usage
the third
show examples
 part, accounting for one in five. What is more, the chart of service was ranked bottom, at 8%,
however
Linking Words
, it grew considerably, making up 15%
at the end
Linking Words
.
Submitted by ksl4308 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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