The two pie charts show how different industries used electricity in 1995 and 2005. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make consumptions where relevant.

The pie charts provide information about the proportion of electricity that was used by distinguishable types of factories in
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
1995 and years 2005. Looking from an
overall
perspective, it is readily apparent that the majority of sectors decreased in 10 years with some brief exceptions.
In addition
, manufacturing industries made up the biggest part of
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
charts,
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
the opposite is true
Add the particle
to form
show examples
form
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
service
Correct article usage
the service
show examples
category. To be specific, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
manufacturing comprised the most in both charts
although
it decreased slightly, accounting for 33% and 31% respectively, followed by food. The percentage of it went down
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
21%
at the end
. Not only these previous two categories went down, but
also
the percentage of fishery industries. It descended
significant
Change the word
significantly
show examples
, with the former being 20% and the latter
13
Change preposition
at 13
show examples
%.
In contrast
, some groups have
went
Change the verb form
gone
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through upward trends, the number of factories ranked
forth
Correct your spelling
fourth
show examples
which was 15% in 1995 but it made up
third
Correct article usage
the third
show examples
part, accounting for one in five. What is more, the chart of service was ranked bottom, at 8%,
however
, it grew considerably, making up 15%
at the end
.
Submitted by ksl4308 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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