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Writing Samples
Band 6

A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce violence in our society today?

#people #amount #violence #tv #cinema #actions #increases #society
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Nowadays, watching violent scenes on television and cinema
has
Verb problem
poses
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 a great threat to the changes in behaviour among the youth in society. I agree with
this
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 statement and the
government
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 should ban
movies
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 that have extremely violent content.
To begin
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 with, cruel films that are shown to the public have the possibility to infect young minds.
Moreover
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, it affects their mental health and gives insight into committing crimes. Apart from that, the habitual viewing of these brutal shows would result in adopting aggressive behaviour.
For instance
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, binge-watching disturbing
movies
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 like "Salo" where wealthy people abused their power and used to abduct specifically 12 to 15 years old, exposing them to drugs and hopelessness but to follow their commands. I believe
,
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apply
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 the
government
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 should not allow
this
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 type of movie to be released. Without a doubt, the
government
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 has the full authority to prohibit these types of
movies
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.
Furthermore
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, a stringent law should be enacted to warn filmmakers about breaking
this
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 rule. Since the
government
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 has full authority
in releasing
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to release
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 these films,
therefore
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 they should limit the availability of these to the general public. If
this
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 regulation is strictly followed it would result in
lesser
Correct word choice
fewer
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 crimes and could save the future of the young generations.
For example
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, Philippine TV has a regulation board committee which is responsible for releasing films on TV and cinema. In conclusion, the amount of exposure to violent
movies
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 has tremendous effects on how people misbehave. I believe these types of
movies
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 give youngsters the idea of doing mischievous acts. The
government
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 could protect the welfare of youngsters by implementing laws to prohibit the availability of
this
Linking Words
 kind of movie to the audience.
Submitted by namlaemy on

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Vocabulary
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.
Paragraph Structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and supporting sentences.
Organization
Organize ideas following a clear and logical progression.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitization
  • crucial stage
  • moral and ethical understandings
  • external factors
  • profound impact
  • reflection
  • mitigate
  • stricter regulations
  • depiction
  • empathy
  • conflict resolution
  • collaboration
  • conscious
  • impact
  • promoting
  • culture of peace
  • non-violence
  • public awareness campaigns
  • community programs
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