IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, some
people
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 argue that allocating public
money
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 to promote a healthy
lifestyle
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 is more vital than spending it on treating
people
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 who are already ill.I think both perspectives are equally important.
This
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 essay will present both perspectives. On the one hand, allocating public expenditure on
promotion
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the promotion
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 of a healthy
lifestyle
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 can effectively help more
people
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, compared to only treating those
people
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 who are already sick. There are various methods through which the government can promote healthy living,
such
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 as disseminating educational videos on social networking platforms, hosting health events in medical
centers
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centres
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 or hospitals, and playing public service announcements on TV stations. Irrefutably, these various approaches or mediums can reach a large number of
people
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. Through these promotional activities,
people
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 can become increasingly aware of the importance of healthy habits and get opportunities to learn how to develop
such
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 a
lifestyle
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,
thus
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 benefitting from government investment.
In contrast
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, investing in the treatment of sick
people
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 only offers benefits to a limited segment of
population
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the population
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 – those who are sick
On the other hand
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, spending public
money
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 on curing
people
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 who get sick should
also
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 be a high priority. First and foremost, the treatment of some diseases is so expensive that an average family may not be able to afford it. Without financial support from governments, these families will be forced to give up their loved ones after exhausting all their savings. It is supporting these sick individuals with public
money
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 that creates a humane and moral atmosphere in society.
Additionally
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, some diseases are not preventable,
such
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 as multiple categories of cancers and illnesses or defects that children have when they are born.
As a result
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, public awareness campaigns
of
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for
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 healthy habits will not be helpful for these types of diseases. In conclusion, I believe investing in the promotion of a healthy
lifestyle
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 to be of equal importance as spending public
money
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 on the treatment of
people
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 who are already sick. Emphasizing only one perspective would oversimplify the complicated reality and lead to overlooking the other side.

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supporting main points
Ensure that each main point is fully supported with specific examples to enhance clarity.
relevant specific examples
Explore more detailed examples in sections where you discuss complex social issues, such as the treatment of illnesses.
comprehensive ideas
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both perspectives, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
logical structure
Logical flow and division of paragraphs are well-structured, aiding the reader's understanding.
introduction conclusion
Clear and effective conclusion that ties the argument together.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • chronic diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • public health campaigns
  • lifestyle-related illnesses
  • quality of life
  • health-conscious society
  • allocate funds
  • balanced healthcare system
  • comprehensive healthcare strategy
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