IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same as adults by the authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults #authorities
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Many feel that youngsters who commit crimes should be justified by the same
law
Use synonyms
 as
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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.
To
Change preposition
In
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 my point of view, under-age
law
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 should not shadow legitimate threats.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, using the
law
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 to prevent
further
Linking Words
 crime possibility is a must. Teenagers, who still have large eagerness, and curiosity will keep seeking the answer through
Add an article
the act
an act
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act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
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,
this
Linking Words
 likely will lead to crime, vandalism, or bullying. By giving them some penalties, future crime patterns can be avoided,
moreover
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, other kids will more aware
the
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of the
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 importance of
obey
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obeying
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 the rules.
For instance
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, when the police or the authority stop and punish high schoolers who vandalize public property, other youngsters will stay away from that kind of behaviour.
On the other hand
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, treating young people like an adult is not proper to some extent. First and foremost, teens
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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still lack
of
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apply
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social awareness and
hence
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 sometimes do
negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
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activity
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activities
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 because follow the inappropriate environment. Education is surely needed for the to filter social information, though the social conditions still have a higher impact
to
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on
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 their action.
Furthermore
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, applying the same
law
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 as an adult will only kill their
further
Linking Words
 life. Youngsters will lose their chance to educate themselves through schools. In
this
Linking Words
 case, when a 15 years old student is jailed for 10 years, he or she will come back from jail at 25 years old and must start over their high school education or else they will not get a proper job. All in all, using the
law
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 against young people is necessary, but their
further
Linking Words
 life must be considered by the
law
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.
Submitted by fransprisyafada on

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