IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same as adults by the authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults #authorities
Many feel that youngsters who commit crimes should be justified by the same
law
 as
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my point of view, under-age
law
 should not shadow legitimate threats.
To begin
 with, using the
law
 to prevent
further
 crime possibility is a must. Teenagers, who still have large eagerness, and curiosity will keep seeking the answer through
Add an article
the act
an act
show examples
act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
show examples
,
this
 likely will lead to crime, vandalism, or bullying. By giving them some penalties, future crime patterns can be avoided,
moreover
, other kids will more aware
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 importance of
obey
Change the verb form
obeying
show examples
 the rules.
For instance
, when the police or the authority stop and punish high schoolers who vandalize public property, other youngsters will stay away from that kind of behaviour.
On the other hand
, treating young people like an adult is not proper to some extent. First and foremost, teens
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
still lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social awareness and
hence
 sometimes do
negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
show examples
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 because follow the inappropriate environment. Education is surely needed for the to filter social information, though the social conditions still have a higher impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their action.
Furthermore
, applying the same
law
 as an adult will only kill their
further
 life. Youngsters will lose their chance to educate themselves through schools. In
this
 case, when a 15 years old student is jailed for 10 years, he or she will come back from jail at 25 years old and must start over their high school education or else they will not get a proper job. All in all, using the
law
 against young people is necessary, but their
further
 life must be considered by the
law
.
Submitted by fransprisyafada on

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