IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Globalization is positive for economies, but its negative sides should not be ignored. To What extents do you agree or disagree?

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There is no doubt that
globalization
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 has greatly enhanced people's quality of life.
However
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, a growing number of opponents are arguing that It has many impacts which are significantly negative. I partially agree with
this
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 viewpoint and believe that
globalization
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 is a double-edged sword for the
economy
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. There are many positive effects of a globalized market. First and foremost, It has introduced a variety of foreign commodities to the local stores. In
this
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 way, domestic manufacturers would have to create better products in order to compete.
For example
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, Apple have been occupying a great share of the cell phone market in China over the
last
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 decade.
As a result
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 of vital competition, various Chinese tech companies have emerged. It is
also
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 worth highlighting that
globalization
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 has caused outsourcing which could lead to more job opportunities in underdeveloped nations.
Nevertheless
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, there are valid reasons why people oppose the notion of a globalized
economy
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. The major issue is that foreign commodities have made small business owners
hard
Correct word choice
apply
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to strive
due to
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 the price war.
For instance
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, If a person is choosing where to go for a hamburger, his first choice would likely be Mc'Donald's because It tends to be more affordable than family-owned restaurants. Another relevant point is that corporations like Mc'Donald's or Apple would take too much part of an
economy
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,
hence
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 creating a monopoly.
And monopoly
Correct word choice
Monopoly
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 could be detrimental to society as It could manipulate policies through political lobbying.
To conclude
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, when discussing
globalization
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, It is crucial to remind people of its positive and negative effects on the
economy
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. Governments should
also
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 properly use
this
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 tool after considering their domestic circumstances.

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task response
Ensure that positions are clearly stated in the introduction for a more effective structure.
coherence and cohesion
The overall essay is logically structured, but make sure to use more transition words for better coherence.
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