In soem countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to slove them?

unfortunately nowadays in some
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
the average weight of
people
is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
I will inform my opinion about the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them. it is common knowledge that at these times obesity is an enormous problem in
this
world, every year it is increasing, and it can lead to many health problems. majority of
people
do not have time for cooking
that is
one of the reasons why they have to eat fast food,
also
it is cheap.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
many
people
do not think about what will happen to them down the line, they only think about now, they just want to eat anything which is delicious which I find is dreadful,
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
after eating unhealthy food they do not desire to go to the gym,
therefore
fitness is decreasing. there are many measures to solve that problem,
however
now I want to talk about
realizing
Correct pronoun usage
itrealizing
show examples
. Personally as far as I am able to judge nothing or no one can make
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
change their minds if they do not realize the consequences and stop doing that. From my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
people
should understand that obesity can lead to many health problems and if they do not stop eating unhealthy food and start training, in the near future they will have diseases
due to
obesity. in
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
as far as I am able to judge
people
should realize and take some measures to eat healthily and they should
training
Change the verb form
train
be training
show examples
.
Submitted by lilit_margaryan2006 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: