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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the maps show Southside, a shopping mall, as it is now and plans for its development the maps show Southside, a shopping mall, as it is now and plans for its development

the maps show Southside, a shopping mall, as it is now and plans for its development the maps show Southside, a shopping mall, as it is now and plans for its development
#maps #show #southside #mall #plans #development
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The two maps represent the shopping
mall
Use synonyms
, Southside, in its current form and how it will look in the future.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that green spaces
such
Linking Words
 as parks and golf courses will disappear for more
stores
Use synonyms
 and for a bigger territory for car parks. Nowadays, the Southside shopping
centre
Use synonyms
 consists of only a supermarket, a department store, cinemas, a noodle shop and a café with a children’s play area and toilet facilities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, to the East of the
Use synonyms
Centre
Add a comma
,Centre
show examples
 there is a park and a golf course
while
Linking Words
 to the south there is a fitness
centre
Use synonyms
 and a car park.
According to
Linking Words
 the planned development of the
mall
Use synonyms
, only the supermarket, toilet and entrance will remain
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same place and with the same
size
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, it will be added
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 new entrance in the department store will be twice bigger
than
Change preposition
as
show examples
 at present.
Moreover
Linking Words
, new fashion
stores
Use synonyms
, a gift shop, two shoe
stores
Use synonyms
, a cosmetics store and a beauty salon will be added to the future
mall
Use synonyms
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, for its
Use synonyms
size
Add a comma
,size
show examples
 it will be added
also
Linking Words
 an info
centre
Use synonyms
 that will help you to understand the placement of the
stores
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the car park
size
Use synonyms
 will be as big as the
mall
Use synonyms
size
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the future
mall
Use synonyms
 will be bigger, with a lot of new
stores
Use synonyms
 and innovations, but a very bad feature is that the green area will be excluded and it is very bad for our environment.
Submitted by alvianciubotaru on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words mall, stores, centre, size with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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