Some people think it would be a good idea for school to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this option ? Describe the skill a person needs to be a good parent.
It is often believed that all young
people
should gain an understanding of being a respected parent at school
. I partially agree with this
, for the frequency of many young parents hurting their children
today regardless of the growing importance of academic subjects to tackle serious social issues.
On the one hand, it is increasingly necessary for every young student to learn the knowledge and skills needed to be a good parent with the rising number of incidents involving children
. For example
, they are more likely to abuse children
, often leading to serious injuries and deaths, as they are often too immature to regulate their emotions. Thus
, school
education is crucial to develop abilities of self-control, encouraging them to be more patient and prepared for the unexpectancy that comes with raising children
. This
can not only increase confidence in young parents but also
reduce child victims.
On the other hand
, such
education about raising children
at school
is not as significant as academic lessons, from which young people
should learn to live a better life in this
fast-changing world. Indeed, as people
live a more complicated life than ever with growing natural disasters, rapid globalization and technological development, school
education should put more priority on enhancing necessary intelligence and techniques including language and technology to overcome these difficulties than learning to become a good parent. Furthermore
, this
will directly affect their own lives and careers, which is more essential to be an independent adult.
In conclusion, I somewhat agree that young people
should be taught the important skills to be respected parents at school
due to
the rise of child abuse. However
, they should first focus on more academic subjects to acquire skills in language and technology, which facilitate their own lives.Submitted by mizuho on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint and overall responds to both parts of the task. However, the argument could be better developed with more specific and varied examples to support the points made.
coherence cohesion
While the essay maintains a logical structure, there are areas where the progression of ideas could be smoother. Try to use a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to clearly guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly state the writer's position.
task achievement
The main points are supported with explanations, and there is a clear attempt to address both sides of the argument.