IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that secondary or high school students should be taught how to use money management as an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree

#people #school #students #money #management #life #skill
Individuals argue that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should teach pupils how to manage
money
. In my opinion, I agree with
this
 statement that financial
management
 should be taught in
school
 and
this
 essay will reveal my perspective in subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand,
according to
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
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recently, people have
to suffer
Change the verb form
suffered
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
this
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
 because they lack knowledge of
money
management
.
As a result
, some can not balance their costs and income which lead to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
debt by taking on loan from many institutions to support their families or their needs.
Moreover
, they do not pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 saving
money
 because when they encounter financial
problems
, they prefer to borrow rather than save
money
.
For example
, a lot of people prefer to use credit cards for purchasing goods or services
instead
 of
save
Change the verb form
saving
show examples
money
 for buying them when they get adequate
money
.
Therefore
, financial
management
 is essential which people need to concern
.
Change preposition
about.
show examples
 Lacking
money
management
 skills can cause financial
problems
.
Hence
, it should
money
management
 be taught earlier
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
school
Add an article
a school
the school
show examples
.
Consequently
, children can learn how to balance their
money
 and save
money
 in crisis situations before they face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
actual
Add an article
the actual
show examples
 time when they become adults or when they have more responsibility.
For instance
, COVID-19 pandemic, individuals or entrepreneurs need to encounter financial
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
due to
 shrinking income,
thus
 saving
money
 or
money
management
 are crucial to them to overcome these
problems
. In conclusion, in the modern
day
Add a comma
,day
show examples
 individuals need to encounter
Correct article usage
an economy
show examples
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
 which can
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 how essential
of
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apply
show examples
dealing
finance
Change preposition
with finance
show examples
.
Add a missing verb
is.
show examples
 It is better to learn these
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 earlier
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
school
Add an article
a school
the school
show examples
 to prevent and handle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
financial
problems
Submitted by Soi_nat on

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