IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
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The working
week
 term can show variation
according to
 different jobs,
although
 usually they are really long. Some
people
 believe that
employees
 should
work
 shorter and workers should have much longer weekends. From my point of view, I totally agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 view and
this
 essay will explain how it can be beneficial for workers. First of all,
people
 generally spend their
time
 working rather than resting because of long working weeks and
this
 brings up the following, citizen cannot use their
time
 for their hobbies or self-improving activities.
Moreover
, when
people
work
 so many
days
, they cannot care for their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
As a result
,
employees
 have been becoming depressive person day by day.
This
 situation leads to some problems.
For instance
, the most important problem is the decline in working efficiency. Normally, workers spend 5
days
 on their
job
 in a
week
. After that, they usually take a break for 2
days
 at the weekend. If
employees
work
 less than now, what can
be happen
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
? In my opinion, if
people
work
 less than now, they definitely gain so many benefits. Not just
employees
,
job
 owners can take so many benefits.
For example
, if worker went to the
job
 just 4
days
 a
week
 and took a break for 3
days
, they would
work
 efficiently and would spend their
time
 on hobbies or with their families.
Due to
Change preposition
By
show examples
 working effectively,
job
 owners would earn much more money rather than a common working term.
To sum up
, generally,
employees
 spend their
time
 on their
job
 rather than resting because of the long working
week
. It seems to me that if
people
 worked less and rested more, it would be much more beneficial than working more
days
 for
employees
 and employers.
Submitted by yito18750 on

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Task Achievement
Consider using specific examples to support your discussion points, as this will enhance the relevance and engagement of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify some of your ideas and arguments. A clearer expression of ideas will allow readers to follow your reasoning more easily.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework for your argument.
Task Achievement
You've addressed the task effectively by discussing both the benefits of a shorter workweek and the drawbacks of longer working hours.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
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