IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The increase in people's life expectancy means that they have to work fill older age to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a younger age. Is this alternative a positive or a negative development?

#people #life #expectancy #work #age #retirement #alternative #development
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It has been argued by many individuals that
due to
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 a longer life span, senior
people
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 do
work
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 till their retirement
age
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 and some humans consider joining the workforce young
age
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 as a better solution. In my opinion, it is a welcome development.
This
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 essay shall shed light upon my perspective in subsequent paragraphs
along with
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 a reasoned conclusion.
Firstly
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, the prominent cause behind my positive point is that
people
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 might acquire money management skills. When human beings start a job
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 an early
age
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, they would not only know about the value of money but
also
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 spend their capital on necessary products rather than reckless things.
For instance
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, a survey conducted by Harward University revealed that in America young
people
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 were doing
work
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 and learning different types of knowledge on how to manage monthly income.
Hence
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, it puts favourable effects on teenager's development
Secondly
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,
people
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 can save more cash and
thus
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 have financial security in the later stages of life.
People
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 may survive in their
further
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 life from upcoming outcomes which are related to the economy if they take part in any company for the job in their teenage with the assistance of
this
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 commoners have no worries about the future time and manage easily all things that regarding domestic
work
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 as they have more money because population have done
work
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 before older
age
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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 it is required to do
work
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 for the elderly
age
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 to pay for their retirement, it is better once the public does the job at a young
age
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. First of all, they save
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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 for their upcoming time and
also
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 learn skills which make them mature and independent.
Submitted by deepikanayyar1996 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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