IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main fitures and make comparisons where relevant

The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main fitures and make comparisons where relevant
#changes #place #west #park #school #construction #information #fitures #comparisons
the given maps illustrate the changes that have been made in a secondary
school
 in 3 different years, 1950, 1980 and 2010. In brief,
it is clear that
 houses in the first year have been replaced for other purposes and one thing that somehow has remained unchanged is the playground which exists in all three years. In 1950 there are houses
in
Change preposition
on
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 the left upper side of the
school
 and
in
Change preposition
on
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 the right upper
side
Add a comma
,side
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 there is the
school
 itself. In the next year
however
Add a comma
,however
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 the houses are replaced completely with a science block and a car park
while
 the
school
in
Change preposition
on
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 the right is now the
schools
Change noun form
school's
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 main building. In 2010, the car park
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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expanded to a larger capacity and
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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made the sports field smaller compared to what it was in 1980 but the science block and
school
 main building
haveremained
Correct your spelling
have remained
 unchanged over the course of 30 years.
Play ground
Correct your spelling
Playground
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 has stayed in the same spot but it has gotten smaller considering that some part of what was a
play ground
Correct your spelling
playground
show examples
 in 1950 and 1980
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 a field in 2010.
Submitted by mehrafarin084 on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "unchanged" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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