IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distances. Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks

As global
trade
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 expands, many products are manufactured in one nation and transported across long distances.
While
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this
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 has certain advantages, I believe the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. On the positive side, international
trade
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 has made a wide range of
goods
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 accessible to people worldwide. In the past, commodities were available only in the countries where they were produced. Today,
however
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, foreign items
such
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 as fruits cultivated in Asia can easily be purchased in African markets.
Furthermore
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,
trade
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 boosts the economy of exporting nations by generating revenue, supporting
industries
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, and creating jobs for entrepreneurs involved in the supply chain. Despite these benefits, the disadvantages are more significant. A major concern is the negative effect on domestic
industries
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. Imported products often overshadow locally produced ones, reducing demand for home-grown
goods
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 and weakening the national economy.
In addition
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, transportation costs are extremely high, and these expenses are passed on to consumers, making
such
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goods
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 more expensive. Another pressing issue is the use of preservatives to keep items fresh during long-distance shipping. Regular consumption of these additives may contribute to health conditions
such
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 as obesity, cardiovascular diseases, and even cancer. In my opinion, the economic setbacks, the health risks, and the high costs associated with long-distance imports outweigh the convenience of accessing foreign
goods
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. In conclusion,
although
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 international
trade
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 increases the availability of diverse commodities and supports exporting countries, its detrimental effects on local
industries
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, consumer health, and affordability make it an unsustainable option in the long run.
Instead
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, governments should invest in and empower local
industries
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, thereby reducing dependence on imports and strengthening national economies.

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task
Keep a clear line of thought from start to end. Have a strong view in the first paragraph, then give two or three main points, and finish with a short wrap-up.
coherence
Link ideas in each paragraph more closely. Use simple linking words to show how one point adds to the next and to the main view.
evidence
Give a bit more exact example or data to back up claims, especially on health or cost. Use facts you can show simply.
grammar
Check word choice and grammar to keep plain words. Avoid long or vague phrases; use short, clear words.
structure
The essay has a clear stance and a strong opening and closing.
coherence
It is well organized into paragraphs with good order of ideas.
content
It shows good effort to discuss both sides and give a conclusion.
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