IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Young people committing crimes should be treated the same as adults by the authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults #authorities
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People argue that
children
Use synonyms
 who
committing
Wrong verb form
commit
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
 should be punished as adults by the
government
Use synonyms
. I
am partly agree
Change the verb form
partly agree
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 idea of statement. On the one hand, punishing
children
Use synonyms
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults
Correct the article-noun agreement
adult
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is bad for them. Strict
punishment
Use synonyms
 can play
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their life.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 by the statistics which is given by
magazine
Correct article usage
a magazine
show examples
 called "
Times
Add a comma
,Times
show examples
" people can know that by the
stricts
Correct your spelling
strict
strictest
Use synonyms
punishment
Add a comma
,punishment
show examples
 13% of
children
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 serious issues with their health.
For example
Linking Words
, by taking strict
punishment
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 can have mental problems and even they can
stopping
Wrong verb form
stop
show examples
 to speak.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
treat
Wrong verb form
treating
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults
Change the noun form
adult
show examples
 is good for the
government
Use synonyms
. If the
government
Use synonyms
 did not react
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
children
Use synonyms
 who commit
crimes
Use synonyms
 the rates of crime will be increasing.
However
Linking Words
 from the Tv
programm
Correct your spelling
programme
 called "Recent News" people can know that rare
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
 increased in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Israeli because they are stopped to punish
children
Use synonyms
 if they
are commit
Change the verb form
are committing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
children
Use synonyms
 did not
faced
Change the verb form
face
show examples
 with
Use synonyms
punishment
Add an article
the punishment
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 they consider that it is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 way to earn money.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 in the
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
 they can create
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
teams
consist
Wrong verb form
consisting
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 who commit
crimes
Use synonyms
. Taking everything into consideration, I consider that
government
Use synonyms
 should build special schools for parenting them.
Submitted by ina1_95 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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