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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began.summarize the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began.summarize the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagrams above illustrate the statistic of people who entered the Olympics and
also
Linking Words
 the figure of male and female athletes from 1924 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the sum of
men
Use synonyms
 who participated in the Olympics is significantly greater in the first 3 years and in 2012 the total of female competition noticeably rises, making the differences between
men
Use synonyms
 and women drop. That
also
Linking Words
 leads to the total of participants in 2012 rapidly increasing. With regards to the
number
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 who joined the Olympics, it is always more than the
number
Use synonyms
 of female competitors. It started at 3,000 in 1924 and slowly rose to 4,500, 5,200 and close to 6,000 in 1952, 1984 and 2012 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of female athletes started with close to 0 at the beginning of 1924,
however
Linking Words
, it slowly started increasing to 500, and 1,500 in 1952 and 1984 respectively.
This
Linking Words
 might have happened
due to
Linking Words
 the norms that society had on
men
Use synonyms
 and women back in those years.
However
Linking Words
, in 2012, when equality started to become more common, the
number
Use synonyms
 of female competitions massively increased by about triple the figure in the previous Olympic season, from 1,500 to close to 5,000.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it affected the statistic of participants in general, it increased noticeably compared to all the previous years, which slowly increased.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 3 times.
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