The personal information of many people is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
These days, people have a tendency to save their details by using various apps which are established by famous firms.
This
can have several advantages and disadvantages. From my point of view, I firmly believe that the benefits overshadow the drawbacks on account of some evident reasons.
On the one hand, if individuals want to work at well-known media organisations, they must give their data and their formal qualifications to operators or managers. The target is to check and ensure the safety of the offices. For example
, companies like Twitter, demand workers to show their profiles to eliminate some humans who make serious mistakes such
as crimes or captures. As a result
, it becomes successful in creating a relaxing working environment without being worried about stealing and helping the enterprises thrive. Besides
, personal progressive achievements in contributing to the development of many well-known media companies will be recorded, creating an opportunity for employees to expect a higher position.
However
, the problems are more serious than the benefits. In some factories, they require workers to register their private accounts on public computers on the grounds that the managers monitor the work process of the employees. As a consequence
, individuals can not feel comfortable and depressed in light of working without freedom. Another compelling adverse aspect is that their account and own information can be followed by strangers. For instance
, Facebook is the most prevailing app at the moment, it is used in a wide range of society, but when using this
digital product, individual data can be revealed. This
can lead to the high risks of being scammed online for the internet users.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that storing own information on a number of apps can cause several notable problems, particularly being followed and loss of freedom. In my opinion, although
these are serious issues, the advantages are more important than the disadvantages due to
creating a safe space and enhancing productivity.Submitted by phamnhung275 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure that connects ideas smoothly from one to the next. You should focus on creating a more cohesive flow through the use of linking words and clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
While you have provided an introduction and conclusion, they could be more effectively developed to clearly state the essay's purpose and summarise the main points with a definitive stance.
coherence cohesion
You need to better support your main points with specific examples and a clearer development of ideas. This will strengthen the argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
You addressed the topic of the essay, but your response needs to be more comprehensive. Provide a more balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages, ensuring that you give full consideration to each side of the argument.
task achievement
Your ideas could be clearer and more comprehensive. Work on developing your thoughts more fully and expressing them in a manner that leaves no ambiguity as to your viewpoint.
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Include more relevant and specific examples within your essay. The examples provided are too general and don't adequately support the argument. Detailed examples would help to anchor your points and make your essay more convincing.