The personal information of many people is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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These days, people have a tendency to save their details by using various apps which are established by famous firms.

This

Linking Words

can have several advantages and disadvantages. From my point of view, I firmly believe that the benefits overshadow the drawbacks on account of some evident reasons. On the one hand, if individuals want to work at well-known media organisations, they must give their data and their formal qualifications to operators or managers. The target is to check and ensure the safety of the offices.

For example

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, companies like Twitter, demand workers to show their profiles to eliminate some humans who make serious mistakes

such

Linking Words

as crimes or captures.

As a result

Linking Words

, it becomes successful in creating a relaxing working environment without being worried about stealing and helping the enterprises thrive.

Besides

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, personal progressive achievements in contributing to the development of many well-known media companies will be recorded, creating an opportunity for employees to expect a higher position.

However

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, the problems are more serious than the benefits. In some factories, they require workers to register their private accounts on public computers on the grounds that the managers monitor the work process of the employees.

As a consequence

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, individuals can not feel comfortable and depressed in light of working without freedom. Another compelling adverse aspect is that their account and own information can be followed by strangers.

For instance

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, Facebook is the most prevailing app at the moment, it is used in a wide range of society, but when using

this

Linking Words

digital product, individual data can be revealed.

This

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can lead to the high risks of being scammed online for the internet users. In conclusion, it is undeniable that storing own information on a number of apps can cause several notable problems, particularly being followed and loss of freedom. In my opinion,

although

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these are serious issues, the advantages are more important than the disadvantages

due to

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creating a safe space and enhancing productivity.

phamnhung275Tue Nov 21 2023

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coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks a clear logical structure that connects ideas smoothly from one to the next. You should focus on creating a more cohesive flow through the use of linking words and clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.

coherence cohesion

While you have provided an introduction and conclusion, they could be more effectively developed to clearly state the essay's purpose and summarise the main points with a definitive stance.

coherence cohesion

You need to better support your main points with specific examples and a clearer development of ideas. This will strengthen the argument and make your essay more persuasive.

task achievement

You addressed the topic of the essay, but your response needs to be more comprehensive. Provide a more balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages, ensuring that you give full consideration to each side of the argument.

task achievement

Your ideas could be clearer and more comprehensive. Work on developing your thoughts more fully and expressing them in a manner that leaves no ambiguity as to your viewpoint.

task achievement

Include more relevant and specific examples within your essay. The examples provided are too general and don't adequately support the argument. Detailed examples would help to anchor your points and make your essay more convincing.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

323 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Efficiency
Personalized content
Fostering global communication
Innovation
Big data
Privacy concerns
Data breaches
Vulnerability
Surveillance
Autonomy
Misinformation
Manipulation
Tailored experiences
Data aggregation
Public opinion

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The personal information of many people is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Write an informal letter to a friend who has invited who has invited you to come and stay with him on your next holiday. You are too busy to accept the invitation in 150 words

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own

Plagiarism in academics has become a pressing problem in many countries today. What are the causes of this problem? What are some possible solutions?

Many teenagers now have their smartphones. What are the advantages and disadvantages

Plastic bags, plastic bottles and plastic packaging are bad for the environment. What damage does plastic do to the environment? What can be done by government and individuals to solve this problem?