IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
Risk
 is something which
people
 have to face when they decide to make a decision.
However
, many
people
 believe that taking
risks
 in work
lives
 and individual
lives
 is crucial, even though it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a disadvantage. In my opinion, the benefits of taking
risks
 outweigh its drawback.
People
 who take
risks
 have to
sacrifice
 something in their
life
due to
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 decisions of their
life
also
. They should
sacrifice
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as time, family, money and company because
Change preposition
of its
show examples
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 consequence of taking
Add an article
a risk
the risk
show examples
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
. The consequence is inevitable for human
life
 when someone wants something
should
Correct word choice
and should
show examples
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 something.
For example
, a leader aims to develop his company bigger than before.
Consequently
, he has to work overtime and give more attention
regarding
Change preposition
to
show examples
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 company’s management.
As a result
, the leader should
sacrifice
 his family,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means that he cannot spend
longer
Replace the word
long
show examples
 time with his family.
However
, there are advantages of taking
risks
 for
people
 in terms of their professional
lives
 and personal
lives
. Taking
risks
 will lead
people
 to try something new in their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 because
risk
Add an article
the risk
show examples
 seems like a barrier between recent
life
 and new
life
 of
people
. When
people
 cross that barrier or take a
risk
, they will have new
experiences
either
Correct word choice
and either
show examples
 become a loser or a winner in their
life
.
In addition
, they will reach a greater achievement because they want to try something new and learn from their past
experiences
 when they had taken
risks
.
For instance
, the scholarship awardees can achieve their funding,
nevertheless
Add a comma
,nevertheless
show examples
 they have to
sacrifice
 their time and money to receive it. But they have many
experiences
 in education
such
 as studying in
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
 country.
To sum up
,
although
 taking
Add an article
a risk
the risk
show examples
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in human
life
 have to
sacrifice
Wrong verb form
sacrificing
show examples
 something, it has more advantages regarding
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new
experiences
 and bigger
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
.
Submitted by iamlearner9697 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: